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“His Hands that Held You”

(conclusion, continued from page 2)

bear the thought of my baby out in the cold wind, dying alone in the dirt.

Later in the unfamiliar hotel room that is too dark, too enclosed I can't decide if I should start screaming or just choke myself. I hear the waves crashing on the Laguna shore, so familiar, like a lullaby rocking me to sleep on so many other nights and even some sunny afternoons during happier days. On this night there is no lullaby. The sounds of the ocean bring more pain, more emptiness. Nothing will ever be the same, feel the same, taste the same because you are not here. I swear to cry for you every day of my life. I swear to hate the rest of my life.

In the darkness of the room somewhere between sleeping and dreaming I see my own face before me. I wonder why I would be looking at myself. There, in the darkness begin swirls of light and color - all colors, especially pastels of blues, lavenders and pinks. The light gently touches the top of my head, and is gone., but leaves a sense of comfort. I am intrigued as again I see the light touching my face, giving a deeper sense of peace. The touch moves away just as another comes, establishing a brilliant pattern of bright light and color. This sense of touch, sense of peace never leaves me.

The pastels are radiant swirling in and around each other like mists blown by a gentle breeze. They increase in brilliance and swim together as part of the pure white light. I know there is a Presence of Holiness in the colors and begin to see small hands there. Then I recognize that the hands are the lights and colors. In a glimpse, I see feathers of white light, touching, caressing one side of my face. Each touch brings its own measure of peace flowing downward, filling me, transcending inward where I am broken, lifting the horror, the grief. A healing?

Then I see two hands, one on each side of my face. The hands are large and strong, much more brilliant than the smaller ones. I am so calm that nothing seems to matter now. I feel as though I am floating, the weight of this burden gone and I would be content to float here forever. Then my face begins to fade and I see your face, my Jessica, my daughter. It is your face that is being held between these two brilliant hands. Your face was between the hands of the Most High God as He held you during your last few moments here on earth. In His mercy and kindness the Creator of all Life took the time to assure me that you were not left to die alone in the cold desert field.

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All Scriptures are taken from the New King James Version, (NKJV) of the Holy Bible, Copyright Thomas Nelson.
Used by permission. All rights reserved.
His Hands that Held You and The Anchor - Copyright M'Kayla Kelly 2003 All rights reserved.
Music and lyrics Copyright Steve Kelly 1998-2002. New Life Studios.
These works may not be duplicated or used in any manner except by the written permission of the author(s).